Allow me to diverge for a moment from my usual discussions about film, televison, or music, to rail against the plague of the Gregorian calendar, Valentine's Day. This is the absolute worst holiday ever, with the possible exception of "Boxing Day" in Canada, and that is only because I haven't a clue what the fuck that even is. Do you punch your loved ones in the mouth? Do you walk around all day saying "Cut me Mick. Cut me." Anyway, back to my point. Its obvious that years ago when this holiday was concocted, there were not enough suicides to satisfy people. Some suits knocked their heads together and said, "We can jack this rate up, no problem. Let's create a holiday where you are ostricized if you are single. Let's make men feel bad for not having the money to buy expensive diamonds for their wives, or feel bad because they have the money, but no one to buy them for." What a bunch of bullshit! If I have to look at one more goddamn heart-shaped box of chocolates, watch one more seizure-inducing commercial for that horror factory Jared's, or listen to one more person drone on and on and on about their Valentine's plans, I'm going to rip the wings off that Cupid fucker and start beating people with them. At least with Christmas, another shit holiday for single people, you can buy your grandparents something, or hell, even your pet if you're that pathetic. Valentine's Day, however, is relentless in its ability to grind lonely, single people under its goosestepping heels. But let this be a warning to you, Valentine's Day. If I ever catch you out alone, I'll drag you into a dark alley and slit your throat with a Hallmark card.
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Rich,
ReplyDeleteCalm down man. There are plenty of things in this world to get all torqued-up about but Valentin's day is pretty goddamn far down the list.
Those Jared's commercials do suck balls though.
Papa Joe Lightning